I hate spiders.

Have I ever mentioned that here - that I hate spiders? I do.

Well, ok, Daddy Longlegs' are ok, and I actually think that jumping spiders are pretty damn cool, but those are the only two exceptions to the rule. Now, if a spider is small, I'm usually ok with it until and unless it crawls on me.

If I know it's poisonous, or if I don't know whether its poisonous or harmless but it's really fucking big, I revert to a little sissy girl and shiver and shake and squirm and wring my hands and wish I could just die or that I had a really big fucking gun or something to properly threaten it with.

When it's a really fucking big spider, and I don't know whether it's poisonous or not because I didn't get a good look at it because it was 1:30 in the goodamned morning and I was sleeping ok? until the damn thing decided to skitter across my elbow under the edge of my pillow and after freaking out and turning on the light and looking and not seeing it and then feeling it at my elbow again just on the inside of my shirt sleeve and squealing I'm sure and GRABBING IT and throwing it at the bookshelf right next to my bed only to freak out further because oh my fucking god the thing was big enough to GRAB HOLD OF AND THROW, well ... I have a tendency to stand in the middle of the kitchen, damn near naked because the fuckers can hide in clothes, arms folded tightly and fingers digging into my arms hard enough to hurt, terrified to even sit on the couch because if a spider can crawl on me while I'm sleeping peacefully in my bed why the heck can't one crawl on my while I'm sitting on the couch at 1:30 in the morning trying not to cry because I'm so freaked out?

Yeah. The wee early hours of this morning sucked big time.

I eventually ended up sleeping on the couch (the logic that bed or couch made no difference really in terms of easy spidery access tossed aside defiantly ok not so defiantly but because I really had not other choice) wrapped as tightly and coccoon-like in the covers as possible so as to leave absolutley no possible bit of space where a spider could crawl in, and of course I laid there for a good two hours staring at every corner and at every bump on the walls or ceiling that I could have sworn wasn't there mere minutes ago, rigid and trying to ignore those horrid little tickles you get on various limbs and such that feel like little insectle legs but aren't and you know this because you just not long ago HELD IN YOUR HAND something with real insectile legs so you know the difference between real spiders and the heebie jeebies but damn if you don't twitch and swipe and wimper at the heebie jeebie-tickles anyway.

I am now facing the prospect of trying to sleep tonight, and the thought makes me want to go stand in the middle of the kitchen again with all the lights on. Sigh. Good thing I don't have work tomorrow. I doubt I'll be getting much sleep.