Masturbation with other peoples' computers is still a sin

Masturbtion with other peoples' computers is still a sin
Current mood: mischievous

Days like today totally, completely, and in every way make up for all the crappy, horrible, awful, just plain shitty days that life throws out at us odd little humans.

"DNA expert fingers Karis"

This wonderful headline will be plastered across the front page of tomrrow's newspaper, in 60 point type. (Karis, if you're interested, is a man who brutally raped and shot two women in 1981, and is currently being re-tried because his "troubled childhood" was not taken into account in the first trial. In a fantastic twist of irony, Karis himself was against this re-trial, making incriminating statements and refusing to have an attorney present, which just adds to the humor, for me anyway.)

Although we really should point out the insinuation in this headline to the editor (who wrote it), we've decided on a sort of underhanded palace coup, and we're keeping our mouths shut. The editor of this newspaper is not really anyone's favorite person, and when the managing editor - who is out covering the Karis trial, and whose story will bear the naughty headline - sees the headline tomorrow, well ... I kinda wish I worked tomorrow. This is gonna be good.

This will be one of those stories told for years to future reporters, editors, and production workers with much giggling.

Mere moments after my boss, incredulous, read this headline aloud to my co-worker and me and we all broke into spastic fits of giggles, my co-worker regaled us with the tale of a bulletin she had posted on Myspace earlier today, regarding one of the reporters here who hasn't the cleanliest of habits, and who we consequently dread working with. The relevant parts of the bulletin are as follows:

i always thought the term "newbie" was restricted to the internet, or extremely geeky interactions.
not work ones.
this woman has been irritating the crap out of me all day. walking back to the department, thinking her one page is the shit and special and she is allowed to touch my keyboard with her pussy and smelly hands as she breaths down my neck with her dragon breath.
scratch that.
i imagine a dragon having clean teeth and fresh breath. they probably take pride in their hygeine.
this woman is gross.
and i am irritated.

what a shit-tastic morning. i sure hope those of you that see me later are prepared for the fiery mess of hatred and anger i am as of late.

(i kid, i kid. im as fucking fun as ever. mwahhaa)
S

The three of us, after this, were useless for the next several minutes, especially in light of the insinuation of the above headline. I actually cried, I laughed so hard.

The word my co-worker was trying for is spelled ... well, how exactly is it spelled? The reporter whose hands were described had something on one of them that looked, well, puss-filled, which can also be termed, um ... puss-y. I can completely understand how the mistake was made because, well ... how do you spell that damn word?!?

Needless to say, it was brought to my co-worker's attention when her inbox was almost immediately flooded with replies, all of them demanding, "She put her what on your keyboard?!?"

They always say laughter is the best medicine. It's true; this made my day.